As many of you know I took a little bit of a “sabbatical” this Summer while my life seemed to be turning upside down. Throughout this year I have been on the “destination to get baby” train. That train has sadly derailed multiple times and this journey has left me feeling soul-less and to be quite honest “gutted to the core,” it’s often hard to even put words around what it actually feels like to lose a child. To put it simply, infertility sucks.
I often tell my close friends how I am a shell of myself and wonder if I will ever be the same? Be the same… never, I mean I am not the same person today and I am OK with that. This year has been brutal on my heart but monumental on my self-growth. It has been a struggle to look at this year with gratitude but I am slowly getting there. I keep turning the light on because I still believe our little angel is out there.
It’s funny how when you are growing up everyone prepares you for college, your first job, etc., but no one prepares you for what massive heartbreak looks or feels like, especially around a child. It’s a lesson in a book that A LOT of women share and yet it feels so damn lonely.
For those of you struggling with infertility I FEEL you, I SEE you and I am HERE for you. A friend of mine told me something that resonated with me so strongly… she said, “It’s like belonging to a club that no woman wants to be a part of”— BINGO! She also said it’s like “terrorism” on your body. Those words struck such a huge chord in my heart, it left me speechless. It’s 100% like terrorism on your body. There is just no stronger emotion than a woman’s desire to have children. It’s overwhelming, to say the least.
Throughout this process, I have learned a lot (I have a whole binder of knowledge!! Not kidding) but one of the biggest lessons this process has taught me is to not be afraid to step back and take care of yourself. You would think since I am in the wellness field that it would be a no-brainer for me… well, it’s not. I am the most driven chick you will meet and I don’t like being sidelined. I have always liked being on the field and playing full out. But, I have realized I need to protect me and take time to just be in that space.
But for those special women in the “club”, I want to say something to you. I respect you, I love you, and you are all heroes and mothers in my eyes. I have never met a stronger group of badass fighters in my life. We will get there.
We all know this process is crazy hard, so I wanted to share three solid ways people around you can support you. My friends ask me all the time what they can do to help so I wanted to share my thoughts with you! These three things are small but so impactful and I hope they help.
Remember, there are TONS of woman going through this and it’s important to know that we will survive. By using the three tips below you can support in such a huge and much-needed way.
Three ways to support someone going through fertility pains:
Sometimes in this process you just want someone to HEAR you. It’s so comforting to have people around you that just listen. We have all heard the “you will get there” spiel and it honestly makes you feel even worse. Having friends or family members that are just there to listen is huge. Being that listener is sometimes all you need to do.
BE THE WORKOUT BUDDY:
I cannot tell you what being able to move does for your mind when dealing with thoughts about infertility… RELIEF! When you are dealing with infertility literally 100% of your headspace is being held hostage! You become a prisoner in your own mind. So, if you want to show your support invite your friend to do something active so they can move freely for a bit.
For me, this is my favorite offer. We don’t need to hear crazy stories etc. all we want in this journey are constant prayers. Those prayers are so powerful and so appreciated.